tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
