youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
