worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
