Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
