dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
