Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
