Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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