First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
