It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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