Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Be still, my beating vagina.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
