she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
