omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
