there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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