A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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