wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
