I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
