community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
