Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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