you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
