I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
