We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
