I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
