I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
