watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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