we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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