remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
