I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize