shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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