There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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