I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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