4 words: hood of his car
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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