I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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