Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
