I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
