Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
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