Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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