I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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