I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
