Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize