this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
