my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
