I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Randomize
