Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
