3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
