____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
