hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
