the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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