the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I need moral support for this bender
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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