I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
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three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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