he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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