I'm drive I can fine osifer
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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