I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
