he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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