one two three fourrrrnication!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You smell like stripper and shame
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
