Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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