the ceiling is raining jello shotss
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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