no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
