i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
