New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
