I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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