life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
