Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
