Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
