There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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