Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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