Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude i'm inner monologue high
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
