Can Purell be used as lube?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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