Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
