yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
