we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Found the puke drawer
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
