It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
