Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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