Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
