was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
