May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
