She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
