Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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