Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
