can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
