I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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