I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
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I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize